Lonely Angel
by Roguie
Summary: Max's POV of my earlier story "Against All Odds".


  
  
Okay, last inner monologue for a while, I promise. Actually working on a longer fic right now.. with.. **shock** Dialogue! This is Max's POV of my earlier fic, Against All Odds. Sorry if her voice is a little whack in this.. girl confuses my poor brain.  
  
Okay, last song fic for a while too.. I hope. I have about fifty songs bookmarked to play with, but not right now. :P The song in this one is The Angel Song by Great White. I know.. I'm not very original. :P Thanks to my sis who sat with me till five am the other morning screening through several dozen songs for something to fit this fic. Wow.. I actually wrote the story and then added a song in later.. is that allowed? :P Thanks, Deb! You're the best, girl! :)  
  
I don't own 'em, I just like to borrow them sometimes and mutate their inner voices.  
  
And now, I torture you all with....  
  
  
Lonely Angel  
  
I never wanted to hurt the boy, that was the whole point to this in the first place. He's been hurt in the past because of me, now it's all getting too hot again. I gotta blaze before he figures it out, before he looks at me one day and I can't hide the lust behind my mask.  
  
It used to be so simple, bag and bail. Some dude had what I wanted, I took it, and before he realized what happened, I was gone. What I want from Logan I can't steal, and stickin' around only makes things worse.  
  
  
***  
Fallen angel  
Ripped and bruised  
Think on better days  
Life is rude  
Treats you bad  
Tears your wings away  
Raise your eyes to star and sky  
Believe in fly aways  
Take your dreams, your broken schemes  
And sweep the past away  
***  
  
I actually thought of Seattle as my home; dangerous. Started thinking of Logan as my guy; dangerous for him. I've seen it too often in the last year or more; I see him die in my mind, hours after each of his close calls. If there's one thing Manticore taught me, it's that luck doesn't mean a damned thing when you're dead. Luck only gets you so far. I can't be responsible for him.  
  
He just got back on his feet, not even been out of that damn chair, away from that goddamn suit for more than two weeks. In those weeks he'd managed to almost get himself shot.. again, been held hostage.. again, and tried to take on the entire Manticore complex.. for me. Oh, yeah, his macho male side makes him brush me off and say that he did it all for an Eyes Only Bulletin; but seriously, who the hell is gonna care about what he says? The boy came for me. So I gotta leave.  
  
***  
Fly lonely angel  
High above these streets of fire  
Fly lonely angel  
Far away from mad desire  
***  
  
The look on his face is heart-breaking as my words sink in. "You almost died, I can't do that to you, not again. If they came after me, and got you instead.. This isn't right anymore. Logan, I'm sorry. I.. I have to go."  
  
I hoped at least his face would go cold, not the crumbling kicked puppy look I got instead. Something changed in him; I saw it when I got back but brushed it off, I can't anymore. Dunno, maybe him thinking I was dead has made him soft on me, but he's not being Logan.   
  
I almost flinch as his plate hits the ground, shattering with a loud smash. I tell myself I didn't expect it, but, hey, never claimed to not be a lier. I gotta get out of here, so without more than a shake of my head I turn on my heel and bail into the hallway.  
  
***  
Hollywood ain't paved with gold  
It's just a trick of light  
Sunset falls on stars of old  
And blinds you with its light  
A spider's web of tangled lives  
Lays stretched across the hills  
From distances it's glistening  
Like El Dorado's halls  
***  
  
I hear'm calling me back, but I can't risk turning 'round. The faster I'm outta his life, the easier it'll be on him. Without thinking, I dash upstairs rather than down; less chance of him following me.  
  
I burst out onto the roof, and slow my pace until I'm at the edge.   
  
"Well, this was a bright idea, girl."  
  
For a moment I stand, staring down at the city below. I know I won't find another guy like Logan, not in this world, and I'm okay with that. Less risk when my heart is mine alone.  
  
It only takes a moment before I remember the gear me and Logan stored up here months ago. If we needed to book fast, quickest way was straight down.  
  
I tie the end of my nylon rope to the slight overhang of the roof. A quick tug proves that it'll hold, and I slip myself over the edge. I try to block the fact that I'll be passing Logan's place on my way down, and concentrate on placing my feet just so; but once I begin to pass his window, I can't stop myself from stealing a quick glimpse.  
  
***  
The dream was light  
And fragrant nights  
But how were you to know  
The streets are hard  
They're mean and scared  
Where only fools find gold  
***  
  
I watch him quietly, an ache in my chest as he lifts my old shirt to his face. For a second I forget why I'm doing this, but when he leaves the scattered food and ceramic on the floor of his kitchen, it's painfully clear.  
  
I hold my breath as he sits down, frozen in place as his gaze stops very close to me. All he'd have to do is move a few feet to his right and he couldn't miss me.   
  
It's time to go.  
  
***  
Fly lonely angel  
Spread your wings another way  
Fly lonely angel  
Find a better way  
A better day  
***  
  
I lift my hand to the window, touching it for just an instant as tears come to my eyes.  
  
"Forgive me, Logan." I take a deep breath. "Goodbye."  
  
In one fluid motion I push away from the building. I never get tired of the feel of the fall, dropping down until the rope around my waist snaps tight and I bounce above the ground. A quick flip backwards and a snap of my wrist sets me loose, and I drop to the road beside my bike.  
  
I think about stopping by the Needle, but the faster I get out of the city the less tempted I'll be to change my mind.  
  
I gun the engine on my bike, quickly taking one last look at Logan's building. I sigh.   
  
For a while I had it good. Cute guy, great food, slammin' friends, and a sucky gig. Almost felt like a real person.   
  
That's over now. Time to get with the world.  
  
End. 


End file.
